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Supporting someone who might be suicidal

Updated: May 31, 2023

Each week in Ireland, around ten people die by suicide.

It is one of the greatest tragedies of our times.

Suicide is a complex problem and a challenging subject to bring up with anyone at any time.

However, it can become something we are a little more comfortable doing when we take the time to inform ourselves on some of the basic Dos and Don’ts when dealing with people who are exhibiting suicidal tendencies.

Knowing what to do and what not to do could help someone you love when they need it most.

It can be frightening and distressing to learn that a friend or loved one is considering suicide.

There is a very good leaflet from the HSE on this here which we have summarised in this post to give you practical information on how you can support a loved one and how you can mind yourself through it all.

Dos and Don’t when talking about suicide

DO Ask Straight out. Don't be scared to ask direct questions in simple terms. For example, "You seem very down lately and I'm worried about you. Are you thinking of suicide?" Such a blunt question won't plant ideas in their head to take their own life. Rather, by asking the question directly, you will give them the chance to open up and talk. If the answer is yes, try to remain calm. The best you can do is simply listen to them without passing judgment or assigning blame.

DO Take it Seriously. When someone mentions suicide or shares their fears about a loved one, it's critical to act right away and seek assistance immediately. Make every effort to ensure that they get the assistance they need.

DO Call 999 If there is an immediate risk that they will harm themselves, they will need emergency help. Call for help and stay with the person.

DO Stay connected— Suicidal feelings can cause someone to isolate themselves from everyone. Having connections with others who care about them will lessen their suicidal thoughts.

DO Disable their plan. Remove any items that could be used as suicide weapons, such as medicines and firearms. The Gardai can take firearms and any pharmacists can take any medications.

DON'T React with Anger. It's normal to feel angry or afraid when someone confides in you that they are considering suicide. While you attend to their needs, make an effort to set your own emotions aside. Try keep your calm and be as objective as you can.

DON’T Minimise their feelings or emotions. Show that you believe them. Take any talk of suicide seriously. Most people rarely discuss or consider suicide on a casual basis. There may be a serious risk of death.

DON’T Problem solve, just listen. Give them time and space to describe the situation and their feelings. Avoid responses that reject how they are feeling or make light of how they feel. Do not attempt to alter their perspective on the situation without listening first.

DON’T leave the person alone. It's crucial to keep both yourself and the other person safe. This might also involve making arrangements for someone else to stay with them until help arrives.

DON’T promise confidentiality. Be honest and say that you cannot agree to keep this confidential. The most important thing for them is that they remain safe while getting help for the problems that are driving their suicidal thoughts.

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